I find myself writing a series here on discipline, punishment and being Catholic. This is a follow up to my post, Why Parents Should Be Friends with Their Children.
There is a certain shift in thinking that has to take place when one abandons punitive-focused approaches to disciplining children. You might feel like you aren't doing enough. You might feel like you are giving up control. I had that feeling. If I decided I didn't want to punish anymore, how was I going to raise up children that didn't turn out to be monsters? I can't just spoil them or let them run ramshod over me and everybody else! Definitely not! I mean if God lent me these souls to raise for his glory, I better do my job and teach them right from wrong!
Enter St. John Bosco.
St. John Bosco, grew up really poor in Italy in the mid 1800s. His mother was illiterate but she knew her catechism and had a deep devotion to God. His father either left them or died early. I can't remember. And apparently he wasn't such a nice guy. Unfortunately John Bosco's older brother took after the father and wasn't so nice either.
What saved John Bosco from the very hard circumstances of his birth was that from an early age he longed to be a priest. He was also very intelligent, athletic and talented. Education wasn't free in Italy at that time. So John Bosco's mother had to scrape together some money so he could learn to read and write. St. John took a long time to study for the priesthood because he had to work his way through school and had to overcome many set backs. He was older than a lot of the classmates in the seminary because of this. Once when he was attending a school that was far from home, he worked at a bakery during the night and then attended school during the day. He lived in a little room in the baker's shop. The baker had a piano and somehow between studying and attending school and baking bread in the wee hours of the morning, John Bosco managed to teach himself music on that piano. It turned out he had a lot of innate musical talent too.
As I said, St. John was also a natural athlete. All this helped him later after he became a priest. He had this idea that the reason why God had called him to the priesthood was so that he could help poor boys like himself. This was at the time of the industrial revolution in Italy. There were many very poor boys who were roving the streets in gangs. He wanted to help these homeless or extremely neglected boys. The first thing he did was start a soccer club. He'd take these rough and tumble boys who were used to hanging out with their gangs and causing trouble, out to a field and play soccer with them for hours. While he was coaching them or they were taking breaks, he'd tell them about Jesus. He'd invite them to go to Mass with him. And eventually they would. He also taught them to sing. You know how Italians are with singing! St. John Bosco believed singing ennobled the soul. And these boys' souls needed ennobling! Eventually he started up a school for the boys. At the time the Communist party was on the rise and members would pass out anti-Catholic literature in the streets. St. John Bosco got someone to donate an old printing press and he and the boys learned how to print their own pamphlets. This, by the way, taught the boys a trade which was very useful.
At first Father John Bosco was such a maverick the church hierarchy didn't know how to deal with him and he met with a lot of opposition. But eventually they realized they were dealing with a holy powerhouse of a man. He began to start up schools all over Italy and then into other countries in Europe. He wrote the headmasters of these schools long letters guiding them in how to raise these poor boys. And he came up with his Preventive system of discipline (he called the usual methods of discipline 'repressive.'). He knew children didn't need more brutality or harshness in dealing with their sinfulness. What they needed was love, patience, guidance, high expectations and a feeling of belonging to Christ.
The face that St. John Bosco presented to the world was one of gentleness, kindness, determination, good humor, and practical wisdom. What very few people knew (or maybe they didn't know until after his death) was that he was frequently assaulted by supernatural visions of evil. He had horrific nightmares of hell and had to wrestle with demons. If you read his The Forty Dreams of St. John Bosco the hair on the back of your neck will stand up for sure! He was spiritually besieged in the most frightening ways and yet he kept it a secret from almost everyone.
Anyway, all this is just to point you to his preventive system Please do yourself a favor and read this great and holy man's take on how to discipline children, and see if it isn't a spiritually rich approach that changes and sanctifies your thinking on discipline and children.
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