Amberwell - Book 28

A dear person from the Well Trained Mind Book a Week group suggested this author, D. E. Stevenson, as a comfy, cozy read in times of feeling blue and overwhelmed.  So I took her up on it and she was right!

Amberwell is a light, lovely novel about a family of five children growing up on their beloved estate of Amberwell.  The original builders were bourgeois merchants in India who made their fortune and then came home to Scotland to settle down.  They began building Amberwell and each generation after would add a bit.  The couple the book focuses on are stuffy and narrow and let their five children be raised by Nannie and the servants.  But the children create a wonderful world of their own under the kind and loving eye of their servants.  As they grow begin to change, naturally; things happens to pull them apart.  And then World War II comes along bringing dread and deprivation. 

The story is charming and sweet without any crassness, even though the hardships of life and the flaws of each character are not ignored. 

This book is the first in a trilogy.  I plan to read them all.

For more book reviews, go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

The Crucified Rabbi - Book 27

The Crucified Rabbi by Taylor R. Marshall is a really clear and concise analysis of the Jewish roots of Catholicism.  I found it very enjoyable and informative.  Some of it I already knew, some I had forgotten and some information was brand new to me.  Marshall writes from a solidly Catholic perspective but with great respect for Judaism. 

Two thumbs up!  For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.  

Disgust and Distrust

I was a Pope Francis fan.  I loved what he preaches about the environment and about immigration.  I am glad about the revision of the catechism on the death penalty.  But he seems to be really mismanaging the sex abuse crisis and cover up.  He warns against the dangers of clericalism, yet he seems to be completely enmeshed in it himself.  I'm afraid he has lived in the climate of accepting the idea that priests just have this tendency to abuse and be unfaithful to their vows of celibacy. He is part of the good old boy network that wants to 'protect' the hierarchy of the Church at pretty much all costs. 

Doesn't he realize that something diabolical has gotten a hold of the Church for the last 70 years (at least) and is going to undercut any good the Church does?  That once you forsake your moral authority, no one wants to hear what you have to say about family, how to be more Christ-like, etc.  If it looks like you don't know what right and wrong are to begin with, who is going to take your advice or guidance seriously? 

The bishops have been like an Anti-Christ.  They are busy having important meetings where they talk to each other,   I am so soured on them.  They look so foolish to me now dressed in their clerical garb, so self-important while they preach to the hordes leaving the Church.  Maybe their goal is to have completely empty pews?  I keep reading or hearing faithful Catholics who are really questioning being Catholic.  I talked to one woman who turned to the SSPX after her daughter was abused by a priest.  She didn't want to leave the Church, but she saw that the things the SSPX had been decrying were true.  So she reluctantly left because she felt she could not raise her child in the Roman Catholic Church.  She was counseling me to stay and fight the good fight!

I know of other Catholics who are thinking, hey maybe the conservative Anglican Church is the way to go. They still claim apostolic succession.  B's voice teacher goes to one of these congregations.  Others are turning to the Orthodox Church. 

I went with a small group of Catholics to pray and protest in front of Cardinal Wuerl's residence in Dupont circle.  Apparently, it was McCarrick who moved the residence there and spent millions of dollars creating a beautiful apartment for himself in the well known gay district of DC.  Wuerl lives there now.  These men think they are princes and can do whatever they want.

And now we have an ex papal nuncio saying that he knows Pope Francis knew about McCarrick.  And that he personally told Wuerl about him. 

I'm glad that more AG offices are starting to investigate the Church.  What these men have been doing is criminal.  I don't want to belong to a criminal organization.  If the Church refuses to clean up her own act, let the government in!  I'd rather be part of an underground Church, smaller but with her eyes truly on Christ than to be part of a huge corrupt organization that uses whatever it does for good, as a shield to legitimize its vast corrupt hierarchy.   I want a Church that is in the world but not of the world.  I am not a conspiracy theorist, but this is what is right in front of our faces.  This corruption is world wide.  The culture of the seminary and the hierarchy has bred this on a global scale. 

After 2,000 years of existence, when the Church has fought scandal after scandal, you'd think that they'd have figured how to create accountability and transparency.  But they don't really want that.  They don't want to be accountable.  And transparency means they'd have to live virtuously instead of with all their pomp and self-importance.

The fact that Pope Francis appointed Cardinal Tobin, McCarrick's protege in New Jersey, the Cardinal of the famous "Nighty-night baby, I love you" tweet as the head of the synod on youth is absolutely the most tone deaf decision ever made.  Pope Francis can pull a long face and spout words of contrition.  Blah, blah, blah.  I am sick of words.  These men are such salesmen.  The Church is all PR anymore but for decades it has been hollow.  The parishes continue to empty.  They are such ineffectual leaders.  One Mother Teresa did more than all these bishops combined.

I think I am going to give myself one year to appraise whether I stay or go.  A year spent in prayer, study, acts of reparation, and works of mercy.  I want to stay and fight.  I went to the prayer gathering/protest with my sister.  She was saying that is was going to be the state of things for the rest of our lives.  That it would take the Church another 50 years to get through this, if it can even then.  We'll be dead and in our graves.  We are watching the decline of the Church and she is her own worst enemy. 

Video Describing Byzantine Rite Liturgy

This is a great, heartfelt introduction to understanding the Divine Liturgy of the Eastern Catholic Rite.  Really informative and simple description by a lovely young women with a lovely voice.

Thinking on things

I've been brooding about the sex abuse crisis in the Church for a few weeks now.  I feel it corroding away any trust I had, but I feel I must know the truth.  The Church is sick.  Really sick.  It has been unfaithful and manipulative.  The holiness of Christ does not translate into the holiness of the priests, bishops and cardinals.  Once you start looking, you see it everywhere.  How blind I was. There are stories in the news all over the place.  This is a corrupt hierarchy that doesn't really believe in God.  It has perpetuated filthy evil that has destroyed lives.  And it selfishly sought to preserve its own comfort and security over the people it was commissioned to serve.  And they used our money to pay for it all.  It's like a Mafia.

One thing I've noticed about myself is that I am finding comfort in Adoration, but I am having a hard time going to Mass.  I really have to steal myself to go.  I dread it.  It's ok once I get in there but I am just waiting for it to end.  I'm amazed at my own emotional response.  Why is the Eucharist so comforting but Mass something to grit my teeth through.  I've always love Mass!

And I realized something.  With Adoration there is no 3rd party between me and the Lord.  It is just me, praying silently in His presence.   With Mass though, I have to look at a priest.  Here's the weird though, that priest is a really nice priest who I doubt has ever done anything untoward (though one doesn't know these days).  And also recently the priest I first knew when I returned to the Church right after I got married, is often helping out now.  He's retired and good friends with our pastor, so he's been showing up to say the 10 o'clock Mass.  He's a good speaker.  He teaches well.   So why am I so uncomfortable?  I think it is because I really don't want any priests telling me anything right now.  I've been studying the faith myself for a couple of decades now.  And I will continue to do so.  The homily is seldom very illuminating to me.  I don't need it.  I actually feel like the priest is interfering with my relationship.  He's a distraction.  The Eucharist is the main thing, not what priest is saying the Mass.  But in our ugly church, with its plain altar, honestly there's nothing to look at but the priest!  It's like it is he who is inviting us in and playing the host.  But he really is just in persona Christi, I don't really want him talking so much!

I have attended some Tridentine masses and some Byzantine ones and at these masses, the priest faces the altar.  In fact in the Byzantine Mass, at some point the priest goes behind closed doors and you don't even seem him!  I think it is supposed to hearken back to the Temple priest going into the Holy of Holies.  I remember finding it so odd but at the same time it really does reduce his significance in the whole liturgy.   He's just the conductor.  You don't really notice the conductor that much at a concert. It's about the music. 

 At my parish right now when it is time to read the Gospel, the priest picks up the book which is vaguely decorated, not that lavishly, but a bit.  And he holds it up and he walks a few steps to the ambo.  That's it.  In the Byzantine mass there was this whole orchestration with so many acolytes and deacons posing around the priest holding up this really ornate Gospel.  They held it for him while he read from it.  It's really dramatic.  It really seemed so reverent and made me feel in my heart what a magnificent thing is the Word of God.  Even in the Anglican rite, when we attended a few Masses back when they had an ordinate at a nearby parish - we'd sometimes go on Sunday evening if we hadn't made it to Mass in the morning for some reason - they would parade around the altar and then the priest would walk out into the aisle and station himself about 1/4 of the way down and read the Gospel there.  Seeing such ritual acts of devotion, I think, prepares one's heart to be more open to the Word.

I have never been one of those people who wistfully wishes for the days of the Tridentine Mass.  I have gone on occasion because it is a Mass and part of our heritage so I wanted to be exposed to it.  And honestly, I still don't hanker after it like some do.  But I am surprising myself by finding myself wishing the priest would just turn around and lead us in prayer.  When the priest is facing the altar, he is a conduit, when he is facing the congregation, he becomes the star.  He's not supposed to at all. And if you try really hard, you can prevent that from happening, but it's an emotional and psychological thing.  You actually have to work at it.

A few years ago I went to the Orthros vespers (I think that is what it is called) at a very nearby Melkite Greek Catholic Church (less than 10 minutes from here).  I've never actually been to their liturgy though.  The Orthros was gorgeous and moving.  I'd like to go to their Sunday liturgy.  Would it be weird to start going there but still be involved socially with my own parish?  I love that aspect of my parish.  I'm involved in 3 or more things there regularly.  It is a good parish and the priest(s) and deacons are good.  I guess this is just me having a problem.  Pope Francis says clericalism is such a bad thing but then what power do lay people have anyway?  The clergy have set it up so they have very, very little.  They've made themselves the center of the show who pull all the ropes but give lip service to the idea of the priesthood of the faithful.

The thing about the Melkite Church is they have their own set up so while they do honor the Pope as the head of the Church, they select their own eparchs and have their own parish structures.  It's a very small rite in comparison to the Roman rite.  They have married priests which I think is a healthy thing right now; and there just seems to be a deep reverence and fidelity to the Word and Spirit that is lacking in the Roman rite.  The Roman rite has become so dry and scholarly that everything has become notional instead of felt deeply in the soul.

I know someone who goes to the Melkite church.  I'm going to screw up my courage and ask her. The thing is the rest of my family won't like this, I don't think.  So we'll see.  I feel very trapped.  R only goes to Mass to please me.  J goes on his own because of his work schedule.  I bet if I didn't remind S, he'd never go.  B actually isn't that attached to St. Mark though.  Maybe they'd be open to this change.  I know R feels so badly for me, because he can see how upset I am.

The House of Unexpected Sisters - Book 26

I haven't listened to an audio book in a while.  I picked up a couple from the library for the drive down and back from the beach.  I wound up only listening a little bit. I think I only through 2 discs out of 8.  So off and on for the last two weeks, I have been listening very slowly to this, the 17th book in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexandra McCall Smith.  I haven't kept up with every book in the series.  I think I've read four or five so far.

The characters of Precious Ramotswe, her secretary/associate Grace Makutsi, and her husband, JLB Matekoni inhabit an intimate circle of friends in the capital city of Botswana.  Precious is a wise, gentle, thinking woman.  She adores her daddy, Obed Ramotswe who passed away and for whom she still mourns.  She had a very short, disastrous marriage in her youth.  But now is in her early 40s and quietly married to Mr. JLB Matekoni.  She always calls him that because for years he was her mechanic who kept her tiny white van going.  But I think the fact that she calls him that symbolizes her distance from men in general.

And this is a major theme of the book, Precious Ramotswe's relationship to men.  Men are difficult to comprehend.  The men in her life are either henpecked, too laconic to really relate to, like her husband though she is fond of him, or unfaithful.  In spite of these deficiencies, she reveres her own father as  a great man.  But in this book she encounters a situation that tears apart her memory of him and threatens to break her heart.

It is a gentle and nuanced tale.  The reader for this audio book was one of the best I've ever encountered.  She is a perfect match for this book.  Her name is Lisette Lecat from South Africa, and apparently she's gained a very good reputation because of her impeccable reading of these popular books.  Listening to her reading made this book even more enjoyable.

Two thumbs up!  For more book reviews go to Read 52 Book in 52 Weeks.

Introducing Skipper!

B is in love.

Yesterday morning we went to pick up our new puppy.  He is the smartest, sweetest, funniest puppy ever!  He's actually kind of perfect.  I'm not kidding.  He is a puppy, though, which means he is high energy, boisterous, into mischief constantly (well, not constantly, thankfully), and consuming a lot of our attention right now.  He's about 80% housebroken and he's been crate trained (he's between 2 and 3 months old).  He was ok in the crate in the family room all night.  We covered it with a big beach towel and that really calmed him down.  He's been terrorizing the cats.  He's a barker!

However, he has declared the family room couch HIS place.  He must know the colors match his coat!  He was very happy to snuggle with anyone sitting on the couch, so that's what we did a lot yesterday.  He just snuggled and napped for much of the afternoon, which was really nice.

This morning he busied himself with taking everything out of the crate, including his food bowl and moving it to the couch.  I do think I have to get a throw to protect that couch, otherwise he's going to tear our new upholstery to shreds!

Skipper with his food bowl, two bones and the towel he slept on in his crate, all on his declared spot, the family room couch.

He is super smart.  When he wants water he goes to the sink and barks.  He figured out very quickly how to alert us to his need to go out.  He already responds to 'sit' and he loves to fetch and play soccer.  He doesn't walk well on the leash yet, though.  And he tends to want to chew up all the shoes, and he tries to investigate whatever is on the table or counter.  So I'm teaching him 'off.'  I spent a full hour with him this a.m. taking him outside at least 7 times for little 5 minute romps and then lots of cuddling, training and play inside as well.   The goal is to fill up his little tank with love and affection and get him lots of exercise.  Now he's curled up on the couch again, taking a little puppy nap.

He's a darling.

Black Coffee - Book 25

Black Coffee by Agatha Christie was the next in my list of Hercule Poirot mysteries. This one was a little strange though.  It was originally a play, apparently Christie's first, which was posthumously turned into a novel.  It read very much like a play and I think it would have been a better read if it was published as such.  The parts of it they (whoever they* was?) wrote out to turn it into a novel form didn't add much and it still felt very much like a play.  Most of the action takes place in one room with people coming in and out of it on cue.

However, what kept me going and made this an ultimately enjoyable read was the mystery aspect.  Although at the end I realized that we actually knew who the killer was all along and the real mystery was how Poirot was going to figure it out.

I think I'm feeling a little overexposed to Poirot right now, as endearing a character as he is, so I think I'll take a break from him for a bit.

*Turns out 'they' is a guy named Charles Osborne!

For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

Finished Three Re-reads

The first one was Hold On To Your Kids; Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers by Gordon
Neufeld and Gabor Mate.  This was the summer group read for the Catholic Relaxed Homeschoolers group on facebook.  As usual, with group reads, the participation was spotty, but still there was a bit of conversation about the book.  I read this book about 10 or 12 years ago.  I remember when I read it then it was so revelatory to me.  Also depressing for the most part, because I could see just how toxic our 1st world culture is to children, how anti-family everything is set up to be.  This time around I still appreciated all the insight but some of it came off a bit forced and I didn't think the authors' suggestions for how to keep kids from becoming so peer-dependent were strong enough to counter all the damaging aspects the authors are so detailed and emphatic about.  The authors never mention homeschooling, which is an obvious way to obviate peer dependence.  Nor did they suggest changes to the school system, for instance, having a teacher for just one year or a bunch of teachers so that there is no genuine way to attach to them, except if you happen to click.  And the authors kept talking about parents 'matchmaking' for their children with other adults but I guess right now with all the scandals in the church, I am not sure you really want to trust other adults to really attach intimately with your children. There's a lot of perverts out there.

So while I really agree with the points made about how much our children need their parents first to develop well emotionally and psychologically,   And peer dependence really is a shallow and insecure thing that breeds many bad things, I was ultimately disappointed with the book.  It just wasn't realistically radical enough for me!

The Odyssey, translated by Richard Lattimore.  This is embarrassing.  This has been a very rough school year and it basically took us all spring and summer to read this book together for Ancient Lit.  But we finally, finally finished it!  I always appreciate it every time I read it (I think this is my 4th time through it) but we just didn't focus on it enough and weeks would go by before we'd remember to pick it up again.  It was a big relief to finally finish it.  Whew!

A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute.  I first read this back when I was in college.  I went through a Nevil Shute phase.  This was prompted by watching the wonderful 1981 BBC series on Masterpiece Theater.  Rick actually tried to find it on dvd but you can't; it just isn't out there!  I think I know why.  There really is a bit of racism in it.  The book was published in 1950 I think, and they use words like Abo and boong to refer to the indigenous people.  In spite of this though it really is an epic tale of one woman's resourcefulness in the face of overwhelming conditions, both when she is taken prisoner by the Japanese in Malaya during World War II and afterwards when she is building a town like Alice.  The romance between her and Joe Harman is so sweet.  In the BBC series they have them go to bed together but in the book, Joe is so chivalrous and decent.  And they very pointedly don't sleep together before their wedding.  A very refreshing change from the usual.

I really enjoyed revisiting Jean Paget, Joe Harman, Noel Strachan (the attorney) and the rugged Australian outback.


For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

Update 8/17/18

Tomorrow we get our new puppy!!!  That means I am probably going to have much less time on line, which is great!  I waste way too much time on line, getting upset about the state of the Church, my country and the world.  I gotta detach somewhat from that.  I need to focus on the little daily duties and joys of my life. 

I am so disheartened by what is going on in the Church.  I really don't want to belong to such an organization.  I am repulsed by it.  However, I am stubborn and resent like hell nasty forces driving me away from what I love best.  So I'm digging in my heels and hoping for eventual victory.

On the agenda for today:

Breakfast and need to figure out what kind of snack B can bring to her SAT pre-test she's taking at a test prep center.

Get B up and feed her
Get her to the test prep place
After dropping her off, I hope to go to Eucharistic Adoration at a not too distant church (mapquest says 14 minutes) for an hour.
I should probably do some food shopping - enough to get us through the weekend.
Do some more puppy prepping at home
P/u B at 2:15
Go with S to his appoint at 4: 00 p.m.
Make dinner
Do laundry
Relax
Read some more Agatha Christie

Dealing with Rough Times

The little puppy we will be meeting tonight!

I am so turned off my by fellow American Catholics.  I was already greatly disturbed by their embrace of Trump.  I got that they felt constrained to vote for him because of the Supreme Court picks.  And frankly, l am more of a strict constructionist than I am an activist, simply because I am not into having a group of 9 judges - a tiny little oligarchy - legislating from the bench.  So I got that they had to hold their noses and vote for someone despicable like Trump because the other choice simply wasn't viable in their eyes.  I get it.  However, the whole cult of Trump is so weird and disturbing.  The whole 'only listen to Brietbart and Fox News' and embracing his war on the free press, and not caring about Russia and especially rejecting the Church's own teachings and getting really racist against immigrants is appalling.  What terrible witnesses they are to any kind of consistent reasoning in terms of life.  And they often hold themselves out to be better Catholics because they go to the Latin Mass or they veil or they homeschool.  What sinful pride!  What distortion of virtue!  And don't get me started on how it is a heresy now to be against the death penalty.  Only in America can the same people be supposedly pro-life in the womb but willing to reject every other attempt at respecting life because it doesn't mesh with their American/right wing view on things. 

And now we have it all coming out about McCarrick and a whole network of sick sexual abusers in seminaries.  Now they want to scapegoat homosexuals as a result.  They want to cast it in terms of liberal vs. conservative when it seems quite clear this is a problem across the board and does not break down in the progressive vs. orthodox way. 

They hate Pope Francis.  They already hated him but now they really do.  And in the meantime, most of this happened under the auspices of Pope JPII who we rushed to make a saint before we should have.  They couldn't wait to name schools and such after him.  Yet he seems to have had extremely poor judgment in this area.  It really looks like Pope Benedict resigned because he couldn't get the bishops to cooperate with him in cleaning things up.  And Pope Francis who is so good in many ways, seems to be just as caught up and incapable of handling this deeply infiltrated disease of corruption. 

The Church is falling apart before our eyes.  And we aren't helping at all.  Instead we are tearing at each others throats.  I can't stand it.

And on top of all this, in addition to struggling with various emotional/mental problems in the family which is constantly wearing on me, our dog, Tillie, died.  Poor Tillie. 

So we are going to get a puppy!  That's the one thing we actually have under our control.  So this evening we are going to meet a possible rescue puppy.  I'm excited!

We did have a lovely week at the beach.  Sitting out on the sand in the morning, just sitting there feeling the breeze and watching the waves and the pelicans and the occasional dolphin was incredibly relaxing.  It was really therapeutic for me. Thank you, God, for that opportunity!

I have all day today to look forward to meeting our possible puppy.  The idea that I have to prep the house for a little pup has given me energy to clean that I haven't had in ages!  Puppies are like have little crawling babies around, you have to make sure there is nothing on the floor they can choke on or get into.  So we are puppy-proofing. 

We've already decided that I will do the morning walk and training and B will do the mid day one.  And then anyone who is available in the evening will do a walk/training session then.  So that evening session will rotate among whomever is available.  I'm already thinking I'll take the pup with us when I take B to her co-op classes on Tuesdays, I'll drop by the dog park that is sort of on the way home.  Unless there are other homeschool moms with dogs who want to meet up and walk our dogs together.  That could work too. 

Contemplating getting a puppy is really a sweet way to deal with all this. 

A Spool of Blue Thread - Book 21

Back from our beach vacation.  I admit, I was not ready to come home.  I could have stayed another week.  I felt like I was just starting to relax a bit.  It was fun though while it lasted.  We had 17 people altogether in a huge house right on the ocean.  The book that kept me company on the beach was A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler.

I have read many of Anne Tyler's books starting from way back in college.  I haven't read her though for a while because they started to all seem the same to me.  I think the last one I read was Saint Maybe which I quite liked.  But then I took a decade or so long break.

Anyway, this book was on sale so I picked it up at B&N.  This is her 20th novel and to me she has become a really masterful storyteller.  It was absorbing from the first page as it dealt with the lives of the Whitshank family of Baltimore.  Mostly it seemed to be told through the eyes of Abby the mother, but we also get to see things from Denny and Junior's perspective too.  It starts with Abby and Red dealing with the complexities of their four adult children, then it continues back to their childhood, then forward in time again and then back in time to when Linnie Mae and Junior (Red's parents) first met.  The unifying theme is really the house that Junior built in a Baltimore neighborhood.  The house he designed that he raised his two children in and then where his son Red raised his four kids.

It's a warm, gentle, insightful, clever, quirky story about the complexities of family.  Tyler writes with real affection for her characters.

Read this book!  It's good!

For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.