Sometimes I have such confidence in the way we do things around here. I feel like I've got balance and just the right amount of structure vs. freedom. Just the right touch of formal vs. nonformal learning. But frankly since Christmas I haven't felt the love. I know it is probably due to changes that have happened since then. It makes me think of how fragile my sense of well being is. And how easily I am plunged into anxiety and uncertainty. My name is Faith and yet, in truth, I have little of that beautiful gift.
Looking back over the last several months, in my perception, it has been dominated by a distracting busyness on my part, coupled with exhaustion when I come down from the busyness high. And this busyness doesn't include actually doing much stuff with my children.
Where are the fun explorations, the field trips, the dynamic conversations, the projects, the closeness that should mark our unschooling lives? While we still have conversations, they don't happen nearly enough. We are close but also seem to be drifting too. Everybody runs off to do their own thing which usually involves daydreaming or sitting in front of screen.
My life with my children is dominated by the little bit of formal schoolwork we do. And now as summer looms I want to be free of that. Yet I've got the darn end of year testing looming too. I feel completely unprepared for those tests.
On the unschooling Catholics list someone asked the question: What are you into now? And people came back with such interesting answers. I kept trying to think of what we are into right now. And while there are a lot of scattered bits here and there, there's no one thing that unites, that fills our days and drives our passion and quest for learning.
It's been a blah time. It's also been dominated by lots of discipline issues. Procrastination, mostly. And out and out rebellion and rudeness upon occasion. And my 12 yo is unhappy and bored and kind of lost most of the time.
In other words I am feeling unsettled and dissatisfied.
(to be continued. . . . )
I appreciate you honesty. It is refreshing to see in the midst of everyone busy doing things. Sometimes quiet reflections are needed to find grounding again. I know I haven't been homeschooling as long but I'm beginning to see ebbs and flows to our days, weeks and months. There are times I'm consumed with anxiety over what we are doing and times when we are okay. The anxious times cause me to read, gather information, reorganize and reflect. It's certainly one of those times again this month. I hope you will find what you are searching for and be in the zone of productive and meaningful activity.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the typos. It's hard to proofread and correct on my phone.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joyful Learner! It's hard to work through the times that are less than satisfactory. I know life has hills and valleys. And this is just a little valley, frankly! But I really feel the need to step back and get some clarity about how we do things and how we can improve on that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you kind words.
Oh, honey, join the club!
ReplyDelete