In the last two posts I tried to establish that:
1) a lot of TV consumption is problematic and
2) life holds natural limitations on how much TV children consume. These limitations come from the parents lifestyle choices, the daily obligations that call one away from the TV, how the parents model their own attitudes and practices when it comes to TV viewing and lastly, discussions among the family members and day to day diligence on the part of the family to remember to use prudence in their TV viewing choices.
Prudence is a crucial word! Prudence is one of the four cardinal virtues (the others being fortitude, justice, and temperance). Cultivating these four virtues allows one to live a moral life. I think of prudence as practical wisdom. One way children learn the virtue of prudence is to be allowed to practice making choices within the safety of their home. Learning how to watch TV prudently is a life skill in this day and age, I think.
But let's go back to to the unschooling assumption that a child can't self regulate unless given freedom. I want to examine this. I don't know if this is always true. I think it might be frequently true, but from my own life experiences, I don't think I buy that it is always true.
For example, my husband's family put no limits on TV watching. In fact, his father was a mailman and when he'd get home in the early afternoon, the TV would go on and stay on. My husband was allowed a TV in his room. His parents' home was the kind of house where there was always a TV flickering in the background. And they also didn't seem to censor much at all (though back in the days of just network TV, that wasn't the issue it is today.) I, on the other hand, grew up in a household where we were not allowed to watch TV during the school week. The one exception was that we got to watch Bewitched on Thursday evenings after dinner. On the weekends we were allowed some TV. Saturday morning cartoons were nirvana for me and my sisters. Something we really looked forward to! Sunday mornings we usually got up and ate a big breakfast and didn't go to Mass until noon, so we'd often watch movies (if there was a good one) on Sunday morning. They always seemed to be playing Tarzan or at least that is my most vivid memory. Sunday evenings were a TV tradition. My dad made milkshakes for us and we sat and watched Wild Kingdom and Disney. This actually spurred me to get my homework done before then. I hated the feeling of it hanging over my head when I was trying to enjoy my milkshake and TV. In the summer we did watch more TV during the day when it was hot (only a couple of rooms had A/C in the house I grew up in.) But the point is that there were strictly enforced limits on when, what and how much TV we were allowed to watch.
So we both grew up in different households with different approaches to TV and yet neither of us are the types to watch a lot of TV. My husband and I both tend to just watch a few particular shows we like. And there really aren't all that many of them. My husband watches a little bit more than I do. We both like the convenience of being able to record shows and watch them when we have time. So somehow we got to pretty much the same place even though our upbringings were different.
I did not rebel against my parents TV rules. I understood why they didn't want me watching so much TV. They wanted me to run around outside, or play in the big playroom they built for us, or read, or do other wholesome things children ought to do! I think that while my husband found his own center in terms of his approach to TV, probably very much in line with unschooling philosophy, I found my center because I developed sensible TV viewing habits as a child in my home. And I am okay with that!
And this is where I have a real problem with the unschooler's assertion that a child will self-regulate if given enough freedom. This may or may not be true. Some children will self-regulate. I've got two of those kind! Some children will really struggle with this. I've got three of those! I think each child is an individual with strengths and weaknesses. I think sometimes freedom in TV consumption can play into a child's weakness and instead of self regulating which leads to free choices, it can lead to bad habits that a child can't break free from.
In my own little experiments in giving my children much freedom, I've seen how too much TV consumption brought out the worst in their characters. It made them materialistic, selfish, rude and cranky! However, we don't encounter these problems when the freedom to watch TV is seasoned with parental prudence.
This is already too long. I still haven't gotten to how TV has blessed me/us! Maybe next time!
I've been enjoying your TV posts and this whole blog, Faith!
ReplyDeleteIn my home growing up, we didn't have a TV until I was 9, and then it was black and white, only 3 channels, etc. My parents didn't turn it on until we were going to bed.
I enjoyed Saturday morning cartoons if I had nothing better to do, and then when I was older I sometimes watched a favorite show (like Star Trek reruns in the afternoon) but I really didn't ever get interested enough in it to need limits. I vaguely remember my mom setting up a limit system for my younger brother. I don't know if it helped him or not.
I like Pat Farenga's dictum about unschooling being "giving your child as much freedom as you can be comfortable with." I found that when I didn't set any restrictions on game playing (which is the big attraction at our house) I became horribly uncomfortable. It is a subjective approach, I admit, but honestly, I can think of arguments on both sides of the issue, so where my reason can't decide, I have to go with my parental intuition.
As you said in your last post, there's a balance between the possible harm of "too much" and the possible harm of "external regulation" and not letting the kids set their own controls. (I also think regulations that the kids aren't in sympathy with can have the potential to cause relationship difficulties).
I do really think there's a potential for harm in "too much" and unless I became firmly convinced that regulation is a toxic thing for our family, then I have to go with the limiting. Our "limits" are fairly generous and I tell the kids they are only provisional -- as they get into their mid to late teens they usually start internal moderation on their own. I suspect screen time becomes intrinsically less attractive to mature adults UNLESS some addictive thing has kicked in, which I think comes with unhappiness or loneliness or perceived helplessness or other issues.
That's where I am now, at least!