Keeping House - Chapters Four and Five

I'm a little late in writing about this. Both Chapters 4 and 5 kind of ran together for me. They both have Clothing as their theme and since I am reading this on my Kindle, I seem to ignore chapter divisions for some reason. I have a hard time figuring out where I am in the book and it is hard to keep flipping back to see what I've read.

This book is becoming a little difficult for me to read. It truly is serving as an examination of conscious, which as you may know, are very useful things but not particularly pleasant to read! Going through the list that Peterson has about what clothing means to us, and she does lay out every little nuance, just makes guilt begin to mount in my heart! I have a double-edged and seemingly contradictory relationship with clothing. I always seem to have too much of it, yet I don't take care of it well at all, so I don't appreciate it, but I seldom like what I have. I think I am a very poor shopper because I have no patience shopping for clothes. I can feel the impatience start when I am entering the store. I start thumbing through clothes on the racks and all sorts of thoughts crowd my head. How I hate the fashion industry that tries to dress us in such ignoble ways. I hate the idea that the clothes are made in China or some such place where human rights are violated. I hate the big name companies that exploit everyone in the name of materialism. I hate the awful music blaring over the speakers. I hate the videos playing on TV screens either with advertisements trying to brainwash me or my children into wanting more, more, MORE! Or showing some horrible video that is full of contorting over-sexualized dancers doing almost pornographic things in full view of me and my kids.

In order to avoid this as much as possible, I tend to order things on line. I like Lands End. Except that my youngest two kids are weird sizes. My son is chubby and my daughter is petite for her age. So lately, whenever I order, the things that arrive often don't fit well. Also, what might look nice in the catalog turns out not to be comfortable for my overly sensitive children. So often half the clothes ordered are rejected or wind up not getting worn. If I were a conscientious person, I'd immediately ship them back. All that money! But instead they get pushed into a corner, into a 'to do' pile that never gets done. Eventually, they are given away to my church. Later the kids complain they don't have enough shirts or whatever. But because I've already gone through this ordeal so fraught with emotional hang ups on my part, I feel like I've already done my work. So I shut them out and they make do. Then I wonder why my kids don't look as nice as other kids do. Going to church is awful. I used to try to make sure the kids had clean polo shirts and nice looking khaki slacks to wear, and the girls had nice dresses. Now my standard is no t-shirts with slogans and no pants with holes in them. Except I stop dictating even this when they get to be about 16 years old. I'm just delighted they still want to go to church!

Lately though I've discovered I'm better at shopping if I do things a little differently:

I've been buying vintage clothing from Etsy type companies. I like buying things from these little mom and pop internet places. I also like the way they are very detailed about what will fit you. I've mostly been buying these things for my oldest daughter as gifts, because she is into vintage. She has a perfect 1940-1950's shaped body, meaning she's curvaceous. Those older styled clothes fit her beautifully. And she loves the look. Vintage is very in at UD, so she's lucky.

I also really like shopping at second hand stores. I go to one in particular about once a year. I do this mostly for my youngest daughter. You can buy really nice, modest clothing, not too pricey, either. I'd like to do more of that kind of shopping.

I also noticed that when I go to places like Marshall's I have a better time. I feel like I'm getting a bargain and because the clothes are all cast offs but brand names, it is like a hunt to find something good. But when you do, you feel you've really scored! And the clothing is better quality.

But really, I don't shop that often. Perhaps two or three times a year.

Clothing is also a problem for me in particular because I have gained weight and I don't like how I look. In fact, I try not to look at myself. I used to take care with how I dressed but at some point I gave up and became frumpy. And I've been frumpy for a while. This is mightily discouraging. Recently, I've been trying to dress a little better because I've been teaching at Aquinas Learning. I bought a couple of nice shirts that people complimented me on (I got them from Target!). The other day I was eating pasta and splattered sauce all over the front of one and I swear I almost started crying! No! I said to myself, this is one of my good shirts! The spots mostly came out, but I can still see a tiny one or two. Now that shirt won't ever be a 'good' shirt in my mind again.

So this whole book is proving to show me just how emotionally charged, petty, and insecure I really am! All this stuff, for some reason, is just fraught with little emotional irritations that are like little bombs going off in my mind. So most of the time, I just push things aside and don't think about them too much.

I'm terrible with laundry. I do manage to most of the time get every day clothing washed weekly. However, my oldest kids all learned to do their own laundry at an early age. This was because when I had Becky 10 years ago, my husband came across me in the laundry room with tears streaming down my face. I had a new baby, and as with all new babies, I had lots of laundry to do. Not just baby clothes but my own clothes that were continually getting spit up on or pooped or peed on or my milk would leak, etc. So I was actually depressed and literally sobbing over laundry. My husband took one look, called the older kids to the room and immediately instructed them on how to do their own laundry. Isn't he a good man? Ever since they've done that. Also at the time I had three bed wetters. So I was constantly washing sheets. On top of that I had a crazy cat who regressed from being litter box trained. What would happen is that I would bring a load of laundry out of the dryer and put it on a certain chair in the family room, thinking I'd take it up to my bedroom and sort (I always sort on my big bed). But I'd get distracted or what not and the clothing would be sitting in a pile there. And the cat would decide it was a perfect litter box. It was HORRIBLE! Laundry was a nightmare!

Now it isn't so much anymore. I managed to get through it and we all survived, LOL! Sean and Becky don't do their own laundry though. Josh just does both his and Sean's because they use the same hamper. And Becky is my youngest and if I can't do one child's laundry after all this time, then I'm pretty pathetic. I could go on and on about my poor laundrying skills but this post is already too long.

Suffice it to say that things like ironing and mending don't even enter the picture. And folding? What's that? The other day, my aunt's care taker folded the clothes that had been left in the dryer (my husband's) so she could put my aunt's clothes in. Everything was so beautifully tidy and folded. I put them into Rick's dresser. When he opened up his drawer he was shocked! Thank you, honey! he said. I had to disabuse him of the notion that I had actually folded. Which was a little sad. His mom was very neat and I bet he grew up with nicely folded clothes in his drawers. He might miss that. Sigh.

Anyway, lest you think I'm too gloomy about all this, I do go through phrases where I suddenly have the will and desire to change. Often the changes don't take too well, but sometimes they do! And so for me hope really does spring eternal. I have a feeling on my death bed I'll still be trying to be more organized about things! So for the new year, I am hoping to establish better routines.

For more discussion go here.

New Habits for 2012

Still thinking about turning over a new leaf for the new year!

Health

1) Drink more water - if I drink more I'll be hydrated, this will keep me from overeating (which I do when I'm tired). I'll have more energy and be less creaky in my joints if I stay well hydrated.

2) Eat a salad every day. Gotta buy those big Earthbound Farm containers of lettuces and eat through one every week. I know the containers are made of plastic! But, the company is a very good and conscientious one, using recycled bottles for their packaging and all the packaging is recyclable as well. If I have to make a concession about plastic this would be one of companies I'd like to support.

3) Eat more fruits and veggies.

4) Limit bread - and then limit that to mostly bread that is whole wheat. I think when I'm making my own bread for the most part, this will happen naturally.

5) Make sure helpings of carbs and meat are moderate.

6) Drink homemade bone broth every day - make soup every week. I want to become good at making soup! Like the soup Nazi without the unpleasant attitude! LOL!

6) Desserts only on Sundays.

7) Take vitamins and fish oil every day (why am I so inconsistent with this?)

8) Exercise/move/walk/get outside for some meaningful amount of time as much as possible. Once a week at least, I'd like to go on a walk with the kids, to a park or on the bike path, if the weather allows. A different place a week. We can explore.

9) Get kids involved in this without lecturing about it. If I get excited about cooking, they may as well. I want to have them cook alongside me. I have to make note of everything they like. It is all a process that takes time. I need to not get discouraged if they balk at first. Also, I need to somehow get Rick more on board with all this. Must be subtle in my presentation and make food as delicious as possible! Discouragement is my enemy; perseverance is my friend!

Household systems

1) Must get back to my checklist approach which worked! Certain things I do every a.m. and every p.m. help keep the household running smoothly:

A.M.
unload dishwasher (Mom)
laundry (Mom or kids, depending on whose day it is)
10 minute hot spot (Mom)
kitchen clean up before lunch (Mom)

P.M.
Move laundry/put away (Mom or kids)
sort mail (Mom)
evening tidy up (all)
Kitchen clean up before dinner (Mom)
prep dinner (Mom and kids)
set table (kids)
Clean kitchen (all)

2) Make bread in machine while cooking dinner

3) Make bone broth in slow cooker a la Nourishing Gourmet

4) Daily checklists for kids posted on side of fridge.

_____ Prayer (a.m. with kids; night prayers; decade of rosary when getting in the car)

_____ Studies (for Sean - adding in formal composition/grammar to copywork, Lit., math, Latin, read alouds - this is to prep him for school next year. Josh-study for SAT as well as driver's ed, Latin, Pre-Calc, Shakespeare, Chemistry and he'll also be taking an on line composition course starting in January. Becky-continue with Aquinas Learning, copy work, Life of Fred + ten days to multiplication mastery, read alouds.)

_____ Family responsibilities (chores, helping out)

_____ Hygiene

_____ Exercise (walks, runs, Wii Fit, elliptical, ping pong, gym class, jumping rope, work outs)

_____ Meal planning/groceries (each weekend, clean out fridge and shop)

_____ Read alouds in a.m. and p.m. and set time every afternoon for quiet reading.

_____ Be aware of how much time kids are on screen

_____ Connect with kids each day; chatting, working together, reading aloud, walking, etc. Be truly present to them.

5) I also need a set time to work on Aquinas Learning prep. Now I basically run to get supplies on Tuesdays after I drop Becky off at Art and before I pick up Josh from Chem. Then Wednesday night I usually focus on printing out things and making sure everything is together. I'll be helping to teach art this coming year, so I need to plan for that. I'll try to find some time during the weekend to focus on that.

6) Sean is going to work on cheesemaking as his 4H project. Josh is going to learn carpentry from Rick and build something; a real piece of furniture. The little bookcase in the boys room is inadequate. I'll suggest he build a bigger one.

Strewsday Tuesday - 12/20/11

Well, we've decorated for Christmas. And tonight is the first night of Chanukah. We are ready for our potato latkes. And also tonight, William comes home! So we'll all be together again. Hannah got home last Thursday. Not much intentional strewing going on at the moment, but while tidying up and going through piles of stuff to make the house look nicer for decorating (it is not worth it to decorate a messy house!) I rediscovered this book. It is now sitting on the coffee table and every one who sits down there thumbs through it usually making comments. Last evening Becky and Sean sat and looked through it for a good long while. So check out Hungry Planet! It provides a good perspective, especially in this Christmas season, which magnifies the contrast between being charitable to those who don't have much vs. the crass commercialism and present-fest the Feast of the Nativity of our Lord has become.

Got any good strewing stories to tell?

The Return of the Twelves - Book 51

This is a book that should rightly be considered a children's classic. Maybe it is in England but I think it is pretty obscure over here. The Return of the Twelves by Pauline Clarke was first published in 1962. It is the story of Max, a boy of eight, who upon moving into a old farmhouse with his family, discovers some antique wooden soldiers under the floorboard in his attic. They turn out to be the very soldiers the Bronte children, Branwell, Ann, Emily and Charlotte played with. The young Brontes used these soldiers to create and write about a complex imaginary world. Their very creativity made the soldiers real. Max is absolutely charmed by the wonderful characters of his Twelve soldiers, especially Butter Crashey the patriarch, as well as Stumpy, Gravey, Sneakey and all the other Young Men (as the Brontes called them). Peril begins as word of the discovery leaks out into the village and eventually the world. Everyone wants to discover the famous toys of the Bronte siblings, especially when there is a 5000 pound reward for them.

The writing in this book is lovely. The characters of the Twelves as well as Max, his sister Jane, his brother Philip, Mr. and Mrs. Morley and others are clearly and effortlessly drawn. The action of the book moves swiftly, tension mounts, but the children's clever resourcefulness as well as that of the wonderful Young Men brings everything to a satisfying conclusion. And in the midst of all this the family discusses if God exists and why there is pain in the world! It is really an intelligent and marvelous story. If you are a brontyfan, you will especially enjoy it.

For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

A Journey to the Center of the Earth - Book 50

This book is the classic written by Jules Verne. I read it with my 12 year old son over the course of couple of months. We each read it on our own. He was always ahead of me, but since last week, I pulled ahead in our little race and won! Because I'm motivated by this 52 Books in 52 Weeks thing! And the year is ending soon!

Anyway, I can see why young boys would find this adventure/fantasy exciting, one incredible thing happens after another. So the book was interesting in that I wanted to know what would be the next incredible thing that Verne had cooked up as the book goes along, but the key word there is in incredible. I mean that literally as in unbelievable. I found the whole premise of the book so lacking in anything realistic, that alas, I had no respect for the story line at all. I wondered, while reading it, if Verne had ever in his life actually been in a cave or a mine, because under the earth there seems to be no poisonous gases ever! Very conveniently, for 99% of the journey there were these sources of light that again had no basis in reality. They had lamps that lasted forever and then this weird electrical phenomenon that allowed for so much light they didn't need lamps anymore.

One weird thing that I noticed about my translation of this book is that the main characters names are different from other translations. In other books the main character is named Axel and his uncle has a different name too, but in this version, Harry is the name of the main character. A young man who loves geology, who has been cared for and lives with his uncle, famous Professor Hardwigg. Hardwigg is an eccentric, mercurial man absolutely obsessed with getting to the center of the earth in the footsteps of a almost mythical alchemist who went before him 300 years ago. Along with them is their superhumanly stoic guide, Hans.

The threesome experience many hair-raising adventures. Much geological language is thrown around. I know this book was written before we knew much about the earth, but some things are just so laughable, for instance getting spewed out of a volcano that is burning hot, yet not sustaining any injuries. Their little makeshift rafts spends hours floating on boiling water, yet never burns up. Just that sort of thing that makes no sense. Verne makes up for the lack of logic by getting the reader carried away with all the exciting, frightening scenarios.

While my son and I read this very slowly (because he doesn't really enjoy this sort of reading; he enjoys comics books and nonfiction more!) he enjoyed it more than I did. He was so taken by Verne that he talked his father into reading out loud to him another Verne book, From the Earth to the Moon. They are really enjoying it. It is set in Baltimore (!) right after the Civil War and they are very amused by Verne's take on American culture.

I read three classic boys novels in the last few months, Treasure Island, The Hobbit and this one. I have to admit I enjoyed this one the least.

Spain

Hannah is planning to go to Spain to study Spanish this summer.  It may be that Will and Josh will also attend.  Now we all may go to visit Spain this summer.  So, of course, being the homeschooling mother that I am, I immediately start thinking resources and literature!

Getting Starting with Spanish and Spanish Made Simple - just to give the kids who haven't studied Spanish (Will and Josh) some background in the language.

Literature:

Shadow of the Bull (lovely book by a lovely author)
I Juan de Pareja (one of my favorite books ever!)
El Cid (studied this in high school)
Don Quixote (a classic I've never tackled)
Tales of the Alhambra (read aloud?)
Asterix in Spain (fun!)
Ferndinand the Bull (of course!)
Iberia by James Michener (have never gotten through one of his books!)
Monsignor Quixote by Graham Greene (love him and I haven't read this one yet!)
The White Company (by Conan Doyle set in the Middle Ages)
The Spanish Bride (Georgette Heyer; during Napoleonic wars)
Driving Over Lemons (somebody's memoir that got good reviews)
As I walked Out on a Midsummer Morning (Laurie Lee)
Winter in Madrid (another book that good high reviews)
The Basque History of the World (by the same guy who wrote Salt!)
Characters of the Inquisition by Walsh (for a Catholic point of view)

I looked at histories of Spain at the Baldwin Project but I don't trust them. They are all told from the British point of view and get quite racist/Anti-Catholic. Too bad.

You'll note I am purposely avoiding Hemingway. I read almost everything by Hemingway in high school. A few years ago I went back to read him and just couldn't. I'll suggest some of his books to the older kids just for cultural literacy but . . . .he is not an author who ages well I find. He's very much an author of his particular age who doesn't seem to transcend it, not like Fitzgerald for instance.

I noticed when researching all this that many books are set during the Spanish Civil War. That really was a huge change for Spain with repercussions still rippling out.

I also want to focus on Spanish saints. I know I've touched on St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Francis Xavier, but how long ago and with which children??? So it might be good to go back and learn about them again. I'd also like to study a bit about St. Dominic, St Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross. Also, St. Josemaria Escriva, whom I know little about.

I am also very put out that The Way no longer seems to be in theaters. It only came out in October! Gone already! And it got good reviews! I think because it has religious (and Catholic at that!) overtones, it wasn't as popular as it could have been. Well, it comes to DVD in February so we'll wait to watch it. I've done a little research on the Camino de Santiago Compostela which is very interesting. Apparently, there was a BBC documentary that came out in the late 90's about it which was very respectful and well done. Also, a couple years ago I caught a travel documentary hosted by some American chef and Gwyneth Paltrow, of all people, and it was fascinating! Made me want to go to Spain! Rick Steve's would be another resource to check out. I love his show and his love of history and sheer enjoyment of travel.

More Soul Searching

Still thinking about how I want to change for the better here, as both Christmas and the New Year approaches. One thing I'm thinking is to take my own advice, which I wrote out in my page, Fundamentals of Homeschooling. The three words that keep swimming to the front of my thoughts are: Pray, model, bond. That is what I need to keep front and center as I move through my days of mothering! I need to pray more, in both quantity and quality! I need to focus on modeling responsible and right behavior. That means, I fear, less time on the computer. When I see Josh having so much trouble, I realize that I often am too preoccupied with the computer myself, as is his father often! Not good role models there! So as a family we all need to reform there. And me first of all! I also need to be more conscientious about creating a comfortable and better run home which supports us all in establishing and maintaining good habits. So I want to wrestle with that monster again! I seem always to be in a state of drift; a constant drift away from wholesome, focused intent, to self-indulgent disdain for the responsibilities that don't appeal to me. For instance, now that Sean is working so hard at math, he needs me to sit by him and keep his attention on it. Though, wonderfully, even though he often complains bitterly, he is sticking with it, even when I am not there with him. Yesterday I had to go pick Hannah up from the airport, which wound up taking a very long time. The whole time I was gone I was worried about Sean and Josh. They'd gotten home from attending a Shakespeare play downtown (which they both enjoyed) and I was afraid they'd just collapse into their habits of sitting in front a screen even though they both had things looming on their immediate horizon. For Sean it was getting math homework done for his tutor; for Josh, he's got a big Chemistry exam as well as a Shakespeare test today (Friday). When I got home though, Sean proudly announced that he was doing his math homework. He'd only managed to do 4 problems and was fooling around a lot instead of really buckling down, but he had started it all on his own without being reminded. I did sit with him and it took a while but he got the amount done that he wanted to get done. So . . . victory! (Josh, I think, studied for Chemistry). Anyway, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but my point is that I've decided that in addition to modeling responsible computer use, I need to be more conscientious about being present to the kids. And these tie into each other. For instance, I should really being there mentally when Sean is working on math, but a lot of times I'm on my laptop surfing the web, then I get involved in some blog or news report and am not really paying attention. So I'm there bodily but not mentally.

I really do resolve the same things over and over again. Sigh. That's the drift again. I start out with good intentions and then imperceptibly to me or because I've hit some bump or have become overwhelmed by some little situation, I give up and give in to the drift.

So I think my goal this coming New Year is self-control. My focus: to pray, to model, to bond. And you can't bond without being fully present to the other you are bonding with!