Keeping House - Chapters Four and Five

I'm a little late in writing about this. Both Chapters 4 and 5 kind of ran together for me. They both have Clothing as their theme and since I am reading this on my Kindle, I seem to ignore chapter divisions for some reason. I have a hard time figuring out where I am in the book and it is hard to keep flipping back to see what I've read.

This book is becoming a little difficult for me to read. It truly is serving as an examination of conscious, which as you may know, are very useful things but not particularly pleasant to read! Going through the list that Peterson has about what clothing means to us, and she does lay out every little nuance, just makes guilt begin to mount in my heart! I have a double-edged and seemingly contradictory relationship with clothing. I always seem to have too much of it, yet I don't take care of it well at all, so I don't appreciate it, but I seldom like what I have. I think I am a very poor shopper because I have no patience shopping for clothes. I can feel the impatience start when I am entering the store. I start thumbing through clothes on the racks and all sorts of thoughts crowd my head. How I hate the fashion industry that tries to dress us in such ignoble ways. I hate the idea that the clothes are made in China or some such place where human rights are violated. I hate the big name companies that exploit everyone in the name of materialism. I hate the awful music blaring over the speakers. I hate the videos playing on TV screens either with advertisements trying to brainwash me or my children into wanting more, more, MORE! Or showing some horrible video that is full of contorting over-sexualized dancers doing almost pornographic things in full view of me and my kids.

In order to avoid this as much as possible, I tend to order things on line. I like Lands End. Except that my youngest two kids are weird sizes. My son is chubby and my daughter is petite for her age. So lately, whenever I order, the things that arrive often don't fit well. Also, what might look nice in the catalog turns out not to be comfortable for my overly sensitive children. So often half the clothes ordered are rejected or wind up not getting worn. If I were a conscientious person, I'd immediately ship them back. All that money! But instead they get pushed into a corner, into a 'to do' pile that never gets done. Eventually, they are given away to my church. Later the kids complain they don't have enough shirts or whatever. But because I've already gone through this ordeal so fraught with emotional hang ups on my part, I feel like I've already done my work. So I shut them out and they make do. Then I wonder why my kids don't look as nice as other kids do. Going to church is awful. I used to try to make sure the kids had clean polo shirts and nice looking khaki slacks to wear, and the girls had nice dresses. Now my standard is no t-shirts with slogans and no pants with holes in them. Except I stop dictating even this when they get to be about 16 years old. I'm just delighted they still want to go to church!

Lately though I've discovered I'm better at shopping if I do things a little differently:

I've been buying vintage clothing from Etsy type companies. I like buying things from these little mom and pop internet places. I also like the way they are very detailed about what will fit you. I've mostly been buying these things for my oldest daughter as gifts, because she is into vintage. She has a perfect 1940-1950's shaped body, meaning she's curvaceous. Those older styled clothes fit her beautifully. And she loves the look. Vintage is very in at UD, so she's lucky.

I also really like shopping at second hand stores. I go to one in particular about once a year. I do this mostly for my youngest daughter. You can buy really nice, modest clothing, not too pricey, either. I'd like to do more of that kind of shopping.

I also noticed that when I go to places like Marshall's I have a better time. I feel like I'm getting a bargain and because the clothes are all cast offs but brand names, it is like a hunt to find something good. But when you do, you feel you've really scored! And the clothing is better quality.

But really, I don't shop that often. Perhaps two or three times a year.

Clothing is also a problem for me in particular because I have gained weight and I don't like how I look. In fact, I try not to look at myself. I used to take care with how I dressed but at some point I gave up and became frumpy. And I've been frumpy for a while. This is mightily discouraging. Recently, I've been trying to dress a little better because I've been teaching at Aquinas Learning. I bought a couple of nice shirts that people complimented me on (I got them from Target!). The other day I was eating pasta and splattered sauce all over the front of one and I swear I almost started crying! No! I said to myself, this is one of my good shirts! The spots mostly came out, but I can still see a tiny one or two. Now that shirt won't ever be a 'good' shirt in my mind again.

So this whole book is proving to show me just how emotionally charged, petty, and insecure I really am! All this stuff, for some reason, is just fraught with little emotional irritations that are like little bombs going off in my mind. So most of the time, I just push things aside and don't think about them too much.

I'm terrible with laundry. I do manage to most of the time get every day clothing washed weekly. However, my oldest kids all learned to do their own laundry at an early age. This was because when I had Becky 10 years ago, my husband came across me in the laundry room with tears streaming down my face. I had a new baby, and as with all new babies, I had lots of laundry to do. Not just baby clothes but my own clothes that were continually getting spit up on or pooped or peed on or my milk would leak, etc. So I was actually depressed and literally sobbing over laundry. My husband took one look, called the older kids to the room and immediately instructed them on how to do their own laundry. Isn't he a good man? Ever since they've done that. Also at the time I had three bed wetters. So I was constantly washing sheets. On top of that I had a crazy cat who regressed from being litter box trained. What would happen is that I would bring a load of laundry out of the dryer and put it on a certain chair in the family room, thinking I'd take it up to my bedroom and sort (I always sort on my big bed). But I'd get distracted or what not and the clothing would be sitting in a pile there. And the cat would decide it was a perfect litter box. It was HORRIBLE! Laundry was a nightmare!

Now it isn't so much anymore. I managed to get through it and we all survived, LOL! Sean and Becky don't do their own laundry though. Josh just does both his and Sean's because they use the same hamper. And Becky is my youngest and if I can't do one child's laundry after all this time, then I'm pretty pathetic. I could go on and on about my poor laundrying skills but this post is already too long.

Suffice it to say that things like ironing and mending don't even enter the picture. And folding? What's that? The other day, my aunt's care taker folded the clothes that had been left in the dryer (my husband's) so she could put my aunt's clothes in. Everything was so beautifully tidy and folded. I put them into Rick's dresser. When he opened up his drawer he was shocked! Thank you, honey! he said. I had to disabuse him of the notion that I had actually folded. Which was a little sad. His mom was very neat and I bet he grew up with nicely folded clothes in his drawers. He might miss that. Sigh.

Anyway, lest you think I'm too gloomy about all this, I do go through phrases where I suddenly have the will and desire to change. Often the changes don't take too well, but sometimes they do! And so for me hope really does spring eternal. I have a feeling on my death bed I'll still be trying to be more organized about things! So for the new year, I am hoping to establish better routines.

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