Seano started school yesterday. He kept saying all afternoon after he got home: I can't believe I go to school now. Of course it was only the first day and a half day at that! LOL. It's a special school for kids with spectrum issues, social and communication deficits, etc. Sean said that the kids were even 'crazier' than he remembered from his visit. He said that he thought maybe he'd just been hyping it up because he was afraid of attending, but he says, they really are crazy mom! That's the big issue for us. Is Sean going to feel comfortable there or is the fact that the other kids aren't 'normal' (whatever that means!) going to break the deal? So we are giving it a try from now until the last day of school (late June). If it seems like things will pan out, he'll go there for 9th grade.
I feel guilty about the whole thing.
The truth is, I think, it is my own lacking that has sent him there. I can't seem to maintain any kind of structure for long. He desperately needs the structure. While I was never high in confidence, we did manage to muddle through and both Hannah and William went on to experience success in college. That was very gratifying. Josh though is a different story. He is so very unmotivated and pretty immature. Not immature in a bad way, he's a responsible kid in that he doesn't act out or do dangerous things or rebel or anything like that. He's quiet and very content (in fact too much so) to just stay in his room, reading his fan fiction (but never writing, even though he says he wants to), daydreaming and listening to his music. Every once in a while he breaks out and play videogames, LOL (laughing through my tears). Never getting out of his comfort zone. Never thinking about his future. Never thinking about other people much. I don't care about not wanting to go on to college either (well, a little bit) if he had some direction, some plan, some passion that would translate into becoming self-sufficient. But there's nothing there. So he needs time. But he also needs nudging and expectations and to be directly taught about how to conduct himself. He doesn't get it intuitively very much.
My vision for next year:
Josh has a job and is hopefully taking a class or two at the community college. Josh also is involved in some kind of Catholic group and maybe volunteers somewhere to expand his horizons and (I hate to say it!) build up his resume.
Sean goes to school for 9th grade. Right now I fantasize about bringing him home after that.
Becky and I do our Aquinas Learning thing and have lots of fun doing things that Becky would love to do. Things we haven't been doing because Sean is such a stick in the mud about everything and puts the damper on everything from read alouds, projects, field trips, etc. You name it, he'll whine about what an imposition it is on him! I love the guy but it is hard living with a kid who is depressed and rigid. I am really hoping with this school, through their social thinking skills therapy, that he'll get into some new habits of thinking and behaving. Just the fact that he'll have to get up every morning at the same time and do the same thing and then go out and have to be responsive to the world instead of living in his own little bubble - this will be good for him.
Alright, I better go take my shower and get Sean up now. Gotta pack him a lunch and get him to school on time!
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