The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur - Book 52

I started reading this book last January I think! I read the first third fairly quickly, then I started using it as a morning mediation for a few months and would only read an entry or even just a few lines at a time. Then I dropped it altogether, but decided I'd pick it up again during Advent and I'd make it my last book for the Read 52 in 52 challenge.

This book, to me, is right up there with St. Francis de Sales' Introduction to the Devout Life in terms of practical, profound spiritual advice. It is so deep and so beautiful and has so many powerful quotes and words of inspiration that it almost overwhelms me.

Elisabeth Leseur was a French woman who lived in the later part of the 19th century and around the turn of the 20th century. She married a man she loved deeply, who was however an avowed atheist. Under his influence she gave up her perhaps lukewarm Catholic faith, but somehow, something happened that made her go back to Catholicism. She became extremely devout and very, very wise because she had to deal with the fact that her beloved did not share in her faith and she also had to constantly move in circles that rejected what she held so dear. But these were refining fires for her soul, for she keep a secret diary, one her husband only discovered after her death. Her sufferings, her thoughts, her wisdom, her strength, her insights and her profound love for God and all his children, had such a powerful effect on her husband that he converted and wound up becoming a priest! And you can see why her writing would have such an impact, especially on someone who was so in love with her and yet realized after it was too late, that he didn't really know her well, through his own blindness!

This book is really a collection of a couple different journals as well as other writings, prayers, letters, etc. So some of it is repetitive. You can see where she is struggling over a period of time with certain issues because she'll write about them and how she plans to address them over and over again. This is one reason why to me it served better as a book to meditate on slowly rather than a cover to cover read. Also, her wisdom struck me as so profound that after reading a bit, I kind of had to get up and pace around the room for a few minutes letting her words percolate.

I found this book to be like a gift from God. I think it bears frequent rereading. One could never plumb the depths of its wisdom. Like the Introduction to the Devout Life, it is a wonderful thing to read when feeling discouraged or depressed. Immediately the grandeur of the life of the soul and the mind-blowing mystery of God elevates you!

At the end of the book, Leseur wrote a treatise, or really words of advice to her nephew which I plan to read to Sean in preparation for Confirmation. They are profound words of wisdom for a young man coming of age. She did the same thing for her niece.

Elisabeth Leseur is currently a Servant of God in her cause for canonization. Pray to her! She should be the patron saint of those who are surrounded by non-believers.

For the final week of 52 Books in 52 Weeks reviews for 2011 go here

Unschooling and Me

Or really I should title this informal learning vs. formal learning. Those words to me are more accurate. You are going to learn either way because people are always learning without even realizing it. You might be learning bad habits, bad thoughts, prejudice, etc. but even then you're learning! Or you might be learning good habits, broadening, ennobling critical thinking, and wonderful skills that will expand your world and your opportunities in it. But, either way, humans are always learning.

So really the difference is whether you learn mainly through natural, interest-led means or through formal, externally imposed means. My problem has always been that quite naturally I and my kids seems to move from one end of the spectrum to the other. We go through phases where we look more like typical unschoolers and then we go through phases were we look more like typical classical homeschoolers. But usually we are a hybrid of the two. Right now, since I've started this particular blog, entitled Strewing, we've been moving steadily from looking unschoolish to looking more formal. And it has been a natural progression.

Becky: Becky likes classes and she likes groups. She loved it when we were in a co-op a couple years ago, that, alas, collapsed. I'd been looking for a suitable replacement ever since and stumbled on Aquinas Learning which meshes very wonderfully with my ideas on classical education. So we became involved in that and that in consquence made us more formal. We still are pretty loose compared to many. A few days a week she does some cursive copy work, reads in her Life of Fred math books, and we work on the worksheets that come with Aquinas Learning. We've dropped IEW because she's no longer in a class that works on that. Instead she's a helper for the K-3 class. That's actually working out very well for us!

Sean: Sean is a character! He resists the very things he needs. He was so balky about everything for a couple of years that I let him give up anything except 4H. So he had no structure except I required copy work and we also did a bit of Latin and a bit of Math, by bit, I mean really little! And he floundered terribly. He couldn't take all that freedom. He became a most unhappy child. We hired a math tutor. He complained bitterly. But once he got over that hump, he's on a more even keel again emotionally and he has become very conscientious about doing his math! We got him an art tutor and he looks forward to Wednesdays now. He's been saying he wants to go to school. Then on other days he gets cold feet about it. But his dad and I both think he should try it for a year. We both think his temperament needs the structure that we, and I especially, can't seem to really give him. Plus he's a talker. He needs to bounce ideas off of others to think clearly. I think being in a classroom that encourages interaction with a teacher and discussion with other kids will be really satisfying for him.

Of course, he'll have to deal with nuisances like dress codes and homework, LOL! And I think him adjusting to a school day will be a total bear for the first couple of months. However, once we are over that hurdle, I'm really thinking things will go smoother. Unless there is a lot of emotional conflict with the other boys. That could sink things. However, we can always pull him out or bring him home for high school. It is not like we've not done the high school thing before. We are getting to be veterans!

Josh - he's been more formal in high school anyway, just because of all these wonderful classes that get offered around here in the homeschool world of high school. And also because he says he wants to go to college.

I must admit I'm going through a period where I'm hesitating again to identify with unschoolers just because we are in a different place right now.

But so be it. I hate labels anyway. They are so simplistic and ultimately unfair!

Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That!

Things we've done over Christmas break:

Napped a lot

Really messed up our bedtimes. I think everybody's been going to bed after midnight pretty much!

Tried out our new toys. I've been using my new French Press and yesterday I made duck broth with my new slow cooker. Still haven't tried the bread machine!

Eaten lunch out a lot.

Said so long to Hannah who headed back to UD on Tuesday.

Finished celebrating Chanukah. (Except not quite because in laws are coming over for New Years and we'll have extended celebration then).

Seano had a sleepover party for his 13th birthday.

Went out to lunch with my sisters day after Christmas.

Then, yesterday one sister and my aunt and myself went to lunch at an assisted living place that my aunt is interested in. It looked very promising. She's thinking of making a decision no later than end of February. So that's a biggie!

Tried to make Sean and Josh work on school stuff - Sean has math homework for tutor who comes on 1/3 and Josh has lots of Shakespeare homework to do for 1/6. Lots of it! So far I haven't been hugely successful.

Started reading A Tale of Two Cities to the family. Couldn't wait for New Years Day!

Today my plan is to 1) clean up my mud/laundry room, 2)get a ton of recycling to the recycling center, 3)tidy up living room which is still blanketed in gifts and wrapping paper, 4)take a walk with my kids, 4)get some of that schoolwork done as well as some reading and 5)figure out something to eat for dinner!

Strewsday Tuesday - post Christmas 2011 edition!

Lots of strewing going on in the shape of Christmas gifts. However, the one I'll mention here is the game Hannah gave Josh and that Rick, Hannah, Sean and Becky and I sat down to play (I think Will and Josh were taking their siestas at the time.)

It's a fun game called Chronology. Check it out!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Gifts!

At the risk of sounding very materialistic, I thought I'd talk about what a great Christmas we had, present-wise. This was because everybody told everybody else what they wanted! And it worked! The kids even went shopping together at Tuesday Morning and picked out what they'd give each other on Christmas morning.

For example, Hannah's been doing a lot of cooking now she's living in an apartment. She discovered she really used a lot of oil and vinegar. So when she spotted a really cute cruet set, she informed Josh that was what she'd really want for Christmas. He got it and she loves it!

So it was really kinda of sweet to see the kids all taking care of each other like that.

Josh said he didn't know what he wanted, so Sean bought him a lampshade which he wore all yesterday morning.

One of the best gifts was Will's to Sean. Sean is an expert on game design, especially, and I thought peculiar to Sean, on the development and design of the game controllers. He can tell you what year each design came out and what the change was and what company, etc. Well, Will got him a fabulous poster called the Periodic Table of Game Controllers. Yes! A poster listing all that information with photos of each controller. Sean proudly hung it above his bed!

Will got a new guitar which he spent most of yesterday playing. I love having a musician in the house!

Hannah got some new dresses from a vintage on line shop.

Becky got some new roller blades. She spent most of yesterday roller blading around the house (we've got mostly wooden floors) which drives the dog batty for some reason.

Poor Josh wasn't feeling well. He's got a sore throat and can barely talk. He said something funny. I asked how his throat was feeling and he said, "Not good. Don't expect me to talk as much." Then he waited a beat and said, "not that I talk much anyway." So he was even quieter than he usually is! I think he spent most of yesterday playing a new videogame.

Rick gave me lots of cooking stuff which is what I asked for. And I gave him new dresser, which is what he asked for.

So personally, I think having to keep every present a surprise is overrated. We really seem to appreciate getting what we really want or need. And it made for a very satisfying Christmas morning!

Merry Christmas!

Future Reads - 2012

I'm loosely planning what I'd like to read in 2012. Who knows if I'll stick with it but it is fun to plan!

First of all books I started in 2011 and didn't finish:

Founding Fathers
The Evidential Power of Beauty
Healing the Unaffirmed

Books by C.S. Lewis I want to read:

The Problem of Pain
The Abolition of Man (already have this on my Kindle)

Books about Spain:

See this post.

Classics:

Moby Dick (I want to get the new Ignatius edition)
Don Quixote (this overlaps with my Spain list)
Henry V - reading this with Sean and Will this January
The Screwtape Letters - overlaps with other Lewis books, but I'll be reading it with Sean)

Religious:
Apologia Pro Vita Sua
Mark Shea's trilogy about Mary (I've been wanting to read this for a while now. I'm planning for it to be my Lenten read)
Between Heaven and Mirth - I got this book for my aunt for Christmas, but I want to read it too!

I also have decided to do some reading based in countries I'm not really familiar with:

Tracy Kidder's Strength in What Remains - about an immigrant from Burundi who makes good in the U.S. I bought this book on sale a while ago and have never gotten around to reading it.

Opium Nation - about Afghanistan - saw this in the bookstore and almost bought it. Looks very interesting.

I also want to read Congressman Frank Wolf's new book on global human rights issues. He's a congressman from VA and every term he quietly gets reelected. He is a decent guy, who is humble and listens to his constituents and everybody, including Dems, like him, even though he's a Republican and 100% against abortion. I've actually met him twice. So I'm really eager to read his book.

I also want to read a book I bought Rick for Christmas - its' about Pixar and how it manages (so far anyway) to produce quality stories of depth in today's crass media market. I think I saw it mentioned on The Imaginative Conservative blog. However, I can't remember the title and it is hidden away under my side of the bed, to be wrapped later today!

Family Read Aloud (and rejects!):

It looks like I'll be reading A Tale of Two Cities aloud. Think I'll start on January 1st.

I tried reading Tom Brown's School Days out loud but nobody got into it. The language is more antiquated than Dickens. However, I want to read it! So I'll just read it to myself.

Another book that got nixed as a read aloud is The Man Without A Country. I'm planning to read that as well, as I already downloaded it to my Kindle.

Keeping House - Chapters Four and Five

I'm a little late in writing about this. Both Chapters 4 and 5 kind of ran together for me. They both have Clothing as their theme and since I am reading this on my Kindle, I seem to ignore chapter divisions for some reason. I have a hard time figuring out where I am in the book and it is hard to keep flipping back to see what I've read.

This book is becoming a little difficult for me to read. It truly is serving as an examination of conscious, which as you may know, are very useful things but not particularly pleasant to read! Going through the list that Peterson has about what clothing means to us, and she does lay out every little nuance, just makes guilt begin to mount in my heart! I have a double-edged and seemingly contradictory relationship with clothing. I always seem to have too much of it, yet I don't take care of it well at all, so I don't appreciate it, but I seldom like what I have. I think I am a very poor shopper because I have no patience shopping for clothes. I can feel the impatience start when I am entering the store. I start thumbing through clothes on the racks and all sorts of thoughts crowd my head. How I hate the fashion industry that tries to dress us in such ignoble ways. I hate the idea that the clothes are made in China or some such place where human rights are violated. I hate the big name companies that exploit everyone in the name of materialism. I hate the awful music blaring over the speakers. I hate the videos playing on TV screens either with advertisements trying to brainwash me or my children into wanting more, more, MORE! Or showing some horrible video that is full of contorting over-sexualized dancers doing almost pornographic things in full view of me and my kids.

In order to avoid this as much as possible, I tend to order things on line. I like Lands End. Except that my youngest two kids are weird sizes. My son is chubby and my daughter is petite for her age. So lately, whenever I order, the things that arrive often don't fit well. Also, what might look nice in the catalog turns out not to be comfortable for my overly sensitive children. So often half the clothes ordered are rejected or wind up not getting worn. If I were a conscientious person, I'd immediately ship them back. All that money! But instead they get pushed into a corner, into a 'to do' pile that never gets done. Eventually, they are given away to my church. Later the kids complain they don't have enough shirts or whatever. But because I've already gone through this ordeal so fraught with emotional hang ups on my part, I feel like I've already done my work. So I shut them out and they make do. Then I wonder why my kids don't look as nice as other kids do. Going to church is awful. I used to try to make sure the kids had clean polo shirts and nice looking khaki slacks to wear, and the girls had nice dresses. Now my standard is no t-shirts with slogans and no pants with holes in them. Except I stop dictating even this when they get to be about 16 years old. I'm just delighted they still want to go to church!

Lately though I've discovered I'm better at shopping if I do things a little differently:

I've been buying vintage clothing from Etsy type companies. I like buying things from these little mom and pop internet places. I also like the way they are very detailed about what will fit you. I've mostly been buying these things for my oldest daughter as gifts, because she is into vintage. She has a perfect 1940-1950's shaped body, meaning she's curvaceous. Those older styled clothes fit her beautifully. And she loves the look. Vintage is very in at UD, so she's lucky.

I also really like shopping at second hand stores. I go to one in particular about once a year. I do this mostly for my youngest daughter. You can buy really nice, modest clothing, not too pricey, either. I'd like to do more of that kind of shopping.

I also noticed that when I go to places like Marshall's I have a better time. I feel like I'm getting a bargain and because the clothes are all cast offs but brand names, it is like a hunt to find something good. But when you do, you feel you've really scored! And the clothing is better quality.

But really, I don't shop that often. Perhaps two or three times a year.

Clothing is also a problem for me in particular because I have gained weight and I don't like how I look. In fact, I try not to look at myself. I used to take care with how I dressed but at some point I gave up and became frumpy. And I've been frumpy for a while. This is mightily discouraging. Recently, I've been trying to dress a little better because I've been teaching at Aquinas Learning. I bought a couple of nice shirts that people complimented me on (I got them from Target!). The other day I was eating pasta and splattered sauce all over the front of one and I swear I almost started crying! No! I said to myself, this is one of my good shirts! The spots mostly came out, but I can still see a tiny one or two. Now that shirt won't ever be a 'good' shirt in my mind again.

So this whole book is proving to show me just how emotionally charged, petty, and insecure I really am! All this stuff, for some reason, is just fraught with little emotional irritations that are like little bombs going off in my mind. So most of the time, I just push things aside and don't think about them too much.

I'm terrible with laundry. I do manage to most of the time get every day clothing washed weekly. However, my oldest kids all learned to do their own laundry at an early age. This was because when I had Becky 10 years ago, my husband came across me in the laundry room with tears streaming down my face. I had a new baby, and as with all new babies, I had lots of laundry to do. Not just baby clothes but my own clothes that were continually getting spit up on or pooped or peed on or my milk would leak, etc. So I was actually depressed and literally sobbing over laundry. My husband took one look, called the older kids to the room and immediately instructed them on how to do their own laundry. Isn't he a good man? Ever since they've done that. Also at the time I had three bed wetters. So I was constantly washing sheets. On top of that I had a crazy cat who regressed from being litter box trained. What would happen is that I would bring a load of laundry out of the dryer and put it on a certain chair in the family room, thinking I'd take it up to my bedroom and sort (I always sort on my big bed). But I'd get distracted or what not and the clothing would be sitting in a pile there. And the cat would decide it was a perfect litter box. It was HORRIBLE! Laundry was a nightmare!

Now it isn't so much anymore. I managed to get through it and we all survived, LOL! Sean and Becky don't do their own laundry though. Josh just does both his and Sean's because they use the same hamper. And Becky is my youngest and if I can't do one child's laundry after all this time, then I'm pretty pathetic. I could go on and on about my poor laundrying skills but this post is already too long.

Suffice it to say that things like ironing and mending don't even enter the picture. And folding? What's that? The other day, my aunt's care taker folded the clothes that had been left in the dryer (my husband's) so she could put my aunt's clothes in. Everything was so beautifully tidy and folded. I put them into Rick's dresser. When he opened up his drawer he was shocked! Thank you, honey! he said. I had to disabuse him of the notion that I had actually folded. Which was a little sad. His mom was very neat and I bet he grew up with nicely folded clothes in his drawers. He might miss that. Sigh.

Anyway, lest you think I'm too gloomy about all this, I do go through phrases where I suddenly have the will and desire to change. Often the changes don't take too well, but sometimes they do! And so for me hope really does spring eternal. I have a feeling on my death bed I'll still be trying to be more organized about things! So for the new year, I am hoping to establish better routines.

For more discussion go here.