Feeling Conflicted about Popes JXXIII and JPII

The Catholic world is all abuzz with the upcoming canonizations of Pope John XXIII and John Paul II on April 27th.  I am 54, so both these popes lived within my lifetime.  I see everyone rejoicing and getting all excited about the coming event but I look on with many conflicting feelings and thoughts.  This is an attempt to parse them out and to see if maybe other people are coming from the same perspective I am.

I am a Vatican II Catholic.  I can not remember what going to Mass was like before the changes that were precipitated by Vatican II.  I have no memory of the Latin Mass or any of that.  I went to Catholic schools all my life (until law school).  The catechism I received was terrible.  They took out the Baltimore Catechism and replaced it with the most wishy-washy stuff imaginable.  I have distinct memories of listening to Simon and Garfunkel in religion class.  I don't remember learning much about the saints at all.  Maybe St. Francis of Assisi or a couple of other famous ones.  I managed to get through Catholic grammar school, high school and college and never read a word of Augustine or Aquinas that I recall.  And I was in a 'conservative' diocese.

However, I completely get that the actual Vatican II documents are not to blame for this, except I do think they must not have been clear enough and the Church did not exercise enough discretion in their promulgation, hence the confusion and the terrible implementation of its directives.  No matter how you slice it, in the wake of Vatican II there came a social upheaval that the Church was unprepared for.  People went crazy and did all sorts of things that ranged from silly to out and out heretical, in the name of Vatican II.  The Church, at least here in the U.S. and I presume throughout Europe as well, simply stopped evangelizing her own children effectively.  People like me who reverted back to the faith in their adulthood had to engage in self-study to actually learn the basics of Catholicism.  The fall out of the Church's inability to catechize her own children is that many left her and many that remain do so out of inertia or sentimentalism and are not loyal to her at all.  And the Church is now in decline in the western hemisphere due to the abandonment of her teachings in her educational institutions and in her very poor living-out of the gospel in her hierarchy and parishes.

I don't glorify the pre-Vatican II days.  I think they had their own problems.  My older sisters all studied the Baltimore Catechism and only one is still a practicing Catholic today.  So the times, the virulent social changes that were going on, really had a devastating impact on our culture and on Catholicism.  I look to the future when all the fall out from the atomic bomb of the sexual revolution at last dissipates and we can pick our way through the wreckage and begin again.

But this is my problem.  I really distrust the speediness with which these two Popes are being canonized.  I think it would be more appropriate to do the official canonization after the fall out has cleared.  Right now we still have walking wounded, both individuals and institutions, who received their wounds under the watch of these two Popes.

I do not question their sanctity.  I trust they are in heaven.  I just don't think the official canonization, which has a political aspect to it, is in the best interest of the Church.  Or maybe.  I could be wrong.

I don't know.  I have to fight my own resentment when I see the terrible job the Church has done in teaching her own baptized children.  She is starting to rally but very slowly and inconsistently.  It may be too little, too late.  Not for the Church as a whole, but for her children in the western world at this point in time.  I think she will recover eventually (as she has recovered before from evil within) but at the expense of her flock.  The ones she is charged with caring for.

Now, maybe I am not being fair to Pope John XXIII.  He died before Vatican II was completed.  Maybe if he had lived things would not have gone down the way they did.  But he did start it.  It is his legacy and it is a very checkered legacy right now.  Maybe in 100 years, our perception and our experience might have shifted and we can look back on it all as a 'learning experience' that was, though painful, worth it.  The truth is Vatican II ushered in much division, confusion and occasion for sin.  And the Church is weaker for it.

I really admire JPII so much.  He was truly an amazing man with godly gifts.  But right now there are people walking around who suffered from sexual abuse.  Who were betrayed by the Church, not only by the terrible, personality-shattering evil done against them but also by the fact that the bishops chose to cover up the scandal.  I keep wondering how they must feel about this canonization?  If I were they, I would feel wounded and betrayed all over again.  The sex scandals are a permanent scar on the face of Christ's bride.  Permanent, like the inquisition or Galileo or the terrible things done in the name of the Crusades, they will forevermore be used against the Church.  How many people left the Church because of these scandals?  John Paul II did many wise and beautiful things, but he was blind to this terrible sin in the Church.  He stood by Marcial Maciel, the found of the Legionaries of Christ, who was himself a terrible sexual predator and manipulative con artist writ large.

I know that saints are still humans.  They are not perfect, but they are holy.  I believe JPII was holy, but much damage was also done while he reigned over the Church.  Why can't we wait a while for the official canonization?  Why the rush?  It used to be the Church waited hundreds of years, for the most part, to canonize saints.  I think that is probably wise.  We are too caught up in our own emotions, our own sense of alienation from the world of today, our own need to be defensive against the aggressive secularism that threatens our souls.  But the Church is a long standing institution that needs to act in terms of millennia and not act in terms of day to day or even decade to decade media reports.

The funny thing is, I too cried santo subito when JPII passed away.  But that was on a wave of emotion, of swelling admiration and grief at his passing.  But now I have this very uneasy feeling about the whole thing.

I have yet to talk to anyone who shares these qualms.  Am I the only one?  I don't know how I will handle the canonization.  I guess I'll watch on TV and pray.  Pray for my Church, founded by Christ, who battles against ever present evil both outside her ranks and within.

I have discovered Pinterest

And that's where I spend all my time now.  I'll be back when I am over my initial, heady infatuation!  Toodle-loo!

Failure to Obey Highway Sign

I woke up revving to go. Today I was going to start giving my house a deep cleaning.  I bought a brand new vacuum cleaner yesterday (while my old, always breaking down, vacuum cleaner is in the repair shop).  Other plans included visiting Aunt Jackie, picking Josh up from the airport (where somebody kindly is dropping him off.  He isn't actually flying on a plane) and going to confession.  Gonna do housecleaning and soul cleaning on the same day.  Yup!  Cuz we are moving into the high holy holidays here!

And then this a.m. I got a ticket.  I turned right on red and I wasn't supposed to.  I didn't explain to the police officer that I had been turning right on red all year at that intersection.  I just humbly took my ticket.  But then I had to go around the block to get pointed back in the direction I needed to go and there, sure enough, was a sign that said 'no turn on red.'' What the heck is wrong me?????  How could I, after months of driving that intersection, have NEVER noticed the sign????  I am officially losing it.  Now I just want to go back to bed and pull the pillow over my head.  #discouragedatmyillusorygraspofreality.

A Motherly Brag

I shouldn't be writing this because I know my son would not want me to.  He didn't even tell me about this adventure he is having in great detail, until he realized that Rick had been telling me bits and pieces. Rick thought I should know at least the bare minimum of what my own son was doing.  But gradually the secret all came out.  So my son up in Boston discovered as he lived in the heart of the city while going to school, that he felt drawn to help the homeless.  He began by just saying hi to them and giving them some spare change.  Then he would try to buy them a little food if they needed it.  All this began to develop and eventually he met a small group of people also interested in helping the homeless of Boston.  They formed a ministry devoted to providing things like a solid meal and warm socks to those on the street.  He tried to start something at his own school but no one was interested.   Luckily, a friend of his has lots of friends at MIT.  MIT has a fantastic Catholic community, by the way, if you are wondering if your child should go there.  This club has wholly gotten behind this mission.  So much so that a couple days ago, this guy, showed up asking for my son!  He wound up taking him around Boston, showing him what he is doing.  This was all by word of mouth!  Somebody told Mahl, you have to go to Boston to see this kid at MIT and what he's doing.  Isn't that amazing???

Thank you, Lord for the blessing of my son.  He has a heart of gold and he gave his heart to the Lord a long time ago.  I don't know if he has a vocation to the priesthood, but he does have a vocation to serve the poor and it is beautiful to see.

Agnes Grey - Book 18

This is the first book I've read by the third Bronte sister.  I've read Wuthering Heights by Emily and Jane Eyre (several times) and Villette by Charlotte Bronte.  I was always a little trepidacious about reading more Bronte.  While I do think they are all wonderful writers, I find I can only take so much drama on the moors before I find it a little too overwrought for my tastes.

Agnes Grey was a surprisingly quick read for me.  It is told in the first person.  Agnes comes from a genteel and poor clergyman's family.  Her mother gave up a rich inheritance to marry Agnes' father.  They are a happily married couple with two daughters, Mary and Agnes.  Agnes is the baby of the family and she pines to go out into the world and be independent.  The family has suffered a financial setback and Agnes's father health has been affected.  So Agnes talks her parents into letting her work as a governess.  Agnes is looking forward to working and has ambitions to be an excellent governess.  Alas, she finds that governesses are just one step above servant.  Her employers look down on her. They have abandoned the responsibility of raising their own children properly.  They expect Agnes to do it for them, but she has no authority over the children.  She is reprimanded if they behave badly but she can't punish them at all.  it is a miserable existence, caring for bratty, spoiled children and treated like a non-entity, except when she is being scolded.  Finally, her employers terminate her employment.  She's not worked quite a year.

Agnes returns home almost defeated.  But she is an intelligent and determined person.  She reasons that the next family can't be nearly as bad.  She wants to try again, especially because her family really needs the money.  So off she goes again to be a governess for another family.  The situation is different and yet it is the same.  She is still just one step above a servant, gets no respect from anyone, and must suppress all her humiliation and loneliness.   This position is better in that the oldest girl, Rosalie, rather likes Agnes, even though the girl is selfish and manipulative.  And the other thing that makes this position better is Mr. Weston, the curate.  Agnes and Mr. Weston keep bumping into each other in the neighborhood, and each time Agnes likes him more and more.  She is so lonely that the fact there is someone whom she truly connects with and can admire for his good character becomes a powerful force in her interior life.  She loves Mr. Weston but she can never express it and her manners are naturally reserved to begin with.  Then Rosalie, Agnes' oldest charge, decides to flirt with Mr. Weston and deliberately keeps Agnes away from him in a very heartless manner.

I don't want to say anymore to avoid spoiling the story.

As usual with the Brontes the pathos is strong.  We see things through the intelligent and very moral eyes of Agnes.  Her character reminded me a lot of the character in Villette by Charlotte Bronte (except this book isn't nearly as dreary at that one).  Agnes is a very proper and godly young woman, also pretty uptight and humorless too.  But she is strong and she thinks clearly.  The book is so smoothly written that I must say I think it was the easiest Bronte I've read so far.  I still have The Tenant of Wildfell Hall to read, also by Anne Bronte.  Then I'll have read all the Bronte books.

I'm glad I finally read this book.  it was a fine read.  For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

The Substitute Bridegroom - Book 17

The Substitute Bridegroom is another regency romance by Charlotte Louisa Dolan.  Since I enjoyed Fallen Angel so much, I thought I'd read another of hers.  This one was pretty good but it had some aspects that didn't quite work for me.  Overall though, I enjoyed it.

Elisabeth Gainsborough is engaged to be married to the handsomest man on the London marriage market.  She's very pretty and has had a very successful season.  Unfortunately, she runs out into the road to save a child from a regency era drag race between two carriages.  The carriages crash trying to avoid the child and a piece of shrapnel strikes Elisabeth in the face.  The injury disfigures her face and now her handsome, vain fiancee can't look her in the eye.  She breaks off the engagement prepared to live the life of an old maid, even though all she's ever wanted was to be a wife and mother.

One of the men racing, the one who wound up carrying her into the house after her injury, is Captain Darius, a hard man, wary of women and used the hard ways of soldiering.  He's just back from Spain and is awaiting further orders so he can go out and fight Bonie again.  Informed by Elisabeth's brother that she is no longer engaged, Darius, out of a sense of duty, offers to marry her.  Elisabeth really doesn't want to be an old maid and besides there is something about Captain Darius' bluntness and honesty that sparks her interest.  And he, unlike others, doesn't seem to be bothered in the least by her scar.

So they get married and start to get to know each other.   While the physical part of the relationship works just fine, it takes them a long time to get to know each other.  For one thing, Darius has to leave almost immediately for war and they go very long periods without seeing each other.  Elisabeth tries her best but doesn't know how to read him.  And on his part, he must fight his own very jaded view of women.

The story dragged a bit here and there and some of the characters were more like caricatures.  Some of the strain between Beth and Darius seemed unduly prolonged to almost a silly level, especially towards the very end.  But, like I said before, it was a quick and enjoyable read.  If you want something light and with a happy ending, this is your book!

For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

The Good Master - Book 16

The Good Master by Kate Seredy is a charming story set in Hungary before World War I.  At least that is what the blurb at Amazon says.  I don't think you can actually pick that up from the story.  The setting is rather ageless.  Jancsi, a boy of ten, works on a big farm with his father and mother.  His cousin Kate comes to stay with him.  She's a city girl who has lost her mother and gotten wild in behavior.  Her father sends her to live with his brother, Jancsi's father.

The tale is a fascinating and magical glimpse into rural Hungary.  We learn about the farm, the shepherds, gypsies, and the fair.  Kate's energies get directed to better things, like learning to ride horses and having her own garden.  She knows how to read because she's been to school so she winds up teaching Jansci and others.  And the story ends with a beautiful Christmas.

Last year we read another Kate Seredy book, The White Stag, and for some reason we couldn't really get into it.  It was the story of the Huns told from their point of view, not as barbarians, but as a people looking for a homeland.  But in spite of the fact that we didn't really care for that book, The Good Master is delightful.  It won a Newbery award I believe back in the 1940s.  I wish I had read this out loud to my kids when they were younger.  It is such a sweet and well told story.  As it is I am just discovering it myself.

For more book reviews go to Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks.