Lawn Chair Catechism - Forming Intentional Disciples - 1st session

This is the first post here on the book Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell. CatholicMom.org is hosting a discussion. The first session deals with the book's Introduction, where the author, Weddell, while gathering information for a motivational guide she wanted to write for lay parish leaders, comes to realize that most of these lay leaders did not have a relationship with God. Weddell relates that through these interviews they learned that many parish leaders are still at, "an early, essentially passive stage of spiritual development." The obvious problem is that in order to be a disciple of Christ one must have a relationship with Him in order to have the passion to follow Him. And this element was startlingly lacking! No wonder so many Catholics are lukewarm at best in their faith. Their leaders for some reason are stunted in their relationship with God.

As someone who is a cradle Catholic, who left the Church for a decade, and then underwent a long and slow reversion, I see the truth in Weddell's observations. I have had dealings with Catholic parishes for many of my 53 years. Many parish leaders are 'doers' who have a sense of community and a willingness to participate, but often they do not have a developed, intelligent spirituality. Not that they aren't often intelligent! But they just have not put their energy into growing further in their religion. The doing and companionship they find in their work seems to be the driving force behind their decision to be involved. Often it does not seem to be Jesus Christ Himself. Now I can not think of any specific experiences that I have encountered that makes me agree with Weddell. It is more or less a general impression of my own that resonated with Weddell's findings.

I do think that at our current parish, which we've been members of for almost 12 years, this is not the case. By and large, most of the parish leaders I know of seems very well grounded in their faith. But of course that is only my impression. I don't really know most of them very well at all. But my parish has a real vibrancy about it that is missing from many other parishes and I attribute that to the very reliable and long time leaders who really seem to be passionate about living out their belief in God.

The discussion question for the Introduction asks: How would you describe your lived relationship with God to this point in your life?

I describe my reversion to the Catholic faith as a slow falling in love, until one day, after a few years of this, I suddenly realized I was head over heels! It was a very quiet reversion where God just somehow nudged me along very gently and was very patient with all my stops and starts and hesitations. It is a good thing Love is so patient! One of the real turning points for me was when I decided to reject birth control. I had been struggling with the Church's teaching on it for several years, even though I had more or less stopped using it anyway. But intellectually I just didn't get the difference between using a barrier method and NFP. I just couldn't wrap my mind around why one was considered moral and the other wasn't. I was praying one day about it. And here I have to say I often feel dry or sad when I pray. I don't ever really feel like Jesus talks to me. I mean not in the same way that a friend or loved one would. I always feel kind of vulnerable and a little niggling doubt is always in the back of my mind asking, "is the real or just silly?" So I am not a confident pray-er. But one day while praying a memory strayed into my mind. I remembered how in high school, my friends all could stay out until midnight or 1:00 a.m. while my parents were the strict ones who made me come in at 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. I also remembered how my father would often wait up for me. Sometimes he'd be too tired and wouldn't wait up, so I never really knew, but many times he would be up still reading his book in our den. And often when I came home he would ask me if I was hungry and he'd get up and make me a little snack. This attention often put a damper on any temptation to drink or smoke pot while I was out, as you can imagine! Even then, when I felt annoyed at my father for infringing on my ability to join in and be as 'cool' as the other kids, I knew he loved me. Sometimes I would protest that it was ridiculous that I had to come in so early. My dad would reply: No one's up to good at 1:00 in the morning. Better to come home and get your beauty sleep!" And that was that. Anyway, when I was praying I suddenly saw the birth control issue in the same light. I didn't get why it was wrong, I didn't really comprehend the dangers involved in the contraceptive worldview, just like I didn't really see why I couldn't indulge in partying or staying out late. This lack of understanding wasn't my father's fault. It was my own immaturity and lack of experience that made me want to question and rebel against him. But my obedience to my father's curfew kept me out of trouble. It protected me from doing wrong. And so I decided to act as if the church were my father and I would just obey, truly obey, in my heart as well as my actions. And do you know, that once I did this the scales fell from my eyes and I began to understand why the Church teaches what she does about birth control? It suddenly began to make perfect sense to me and I couldn't comprehend what took me so long to see the light!

So my relationship with God is always me doubting, trying to make it better, trying to be open and focussed on Him, and not feeling like it is going anywhere at all. And this can go on for years, and then suddenly there will be a breakthrough and I'll feel like I have managed to climb one rung higher on a ladder that stretches into the clouds. It involves a lot of work on my part and in truth I am very sloppy and inconsistent about it. I go through spurts where I try to be more devotional, more habitually prayerful, and most of all, better read about the faith (because study is the most comfortable way for me to approach my relationship), but I am afraid I am not nearly as reliable as I could be.

The second question is: What does the word discipleship mean to you? Do you perceive a need in the Church today? I guess I touched on what I think discipleship means above. I think that to want to follow someone you have to feel passionately about them and their message. Christ is my teacher and I want to learn from him. He is my model and I want to imitate him. He is my consolation and I seek him when I need wisdom.

I do perceive a need in the Church today to cultivate lay leaders to become more fervent Catholics. Though I don't know if I would limit it to the word 'fervent.' I know 'fervent' Catholics who fervently believe the Church is wrong on women priests or contraception, abortion and gay marriage. They are prayerful, and do all kinds of things in the parish. They love the Jesus they perceive, but they lack the obedience and the true understanding of His teachings as promulgated by the Church. You can love Jesus and be a Protestant. You can love Jesus and be a disguised protestant who is devoted to certain Catholic things like Marian devotion. But it does not make you a good Catholic. So while having a strong bond with Jesus is important in a leader, I think the leader must also follow their superiors in the faith. They should be orthodox in their beliefs and a visible model of someone who is faithful to the Magisterium. I think a lot of these heterodox fervent Catholics actually can cause a lot of dissension and ultimately a disconnection that may in the end also result in other parishioners having a lukewarm relationships with God.